Fail!
by TinkerKitty
Summary: Drabbles about Shang trying to tell Mulan that he loves her. Unfortunately, he has a bad habit of failing. And even worse, his three most troublesome soldiers are there to tell him every time. Rated for future language, because I just can't help it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Mulan or any other Disney related characters. If I did, Mulan 2 would have been a lot different. And I'd be making money. But I'm not.

A series of random drabbles (hopefully funny), starting from when Mulan beats Shan Yu and ending whenever I say so. Unless stated otherwise, they go in order.

And~ I'm not sure if all the names are spelled correctly, I'll check later and fix it

And~~ I'm a spelling/grammar freak by nature, but I just finished English Composition 1002, so I am much too lazy to double-check. The worst will probably be sentence fragments and me not saying (person 1) said, "this", followed by (person 2) said "that". Okay, I'm done.

Attempt 1:

Shang watched as Mulan hugged the Emperor, followed by Yao, Ling, and Chain Po. She finally came up to him. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do. His mouth opened, then shut. His arms opened a little for a hug, then he dropped them, with one on her arm. Of all the things he wanted to say and do, he does the thing he hated.

Captain Li Shang, who made boys (and a girl) into brave warriors. Captain Li Shang, who courageously lead men to war where they were outnumbered. Captain Li Shang, who was as swift as a coursing river, had the force of a great typhoon, the strength of a raging fire, and was as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

Yes, THAT Captain Li Shang.

"You…. You fight good."

Seriously, Shang? That wasn't even correct grammar. He groaned at his own stupidity as he watched Mulan leave.

"FAIL."

Shang looked behind him to see Yao, Ling, Chain Po, and the Emperor himself looking at him like he's an idiot. Which he was.

The Emperor walked up to him. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."

"Sir?"

"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty."

Oh look, there's Mulan's helmet. He should return it to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yeah, I still don't own Mulan or anything.

Luann: I know he's not stupid, but it's just so funny in the movie that I couldn't help but make it worse. But really, does anybody actually know where he got the helmet? I thought it was lost in that avalanche. Well, this one is where he returns the helmet, which is also over-done, but after that it gets creative. (I hope, otherwise I'll feel bad.)

Luann, travis, and I-love-Mulan13: Of course I'm making more.

Imyourfreakingprincess: Yes, we do love him. And I promise that one of these days (hopefully not too soon, because this is fun) he will not fail. Well, there is this other random way I have to end it….

Oh! *thinking*

Attempt 2:

After picking up Mulan's helmet that had appeared out of nowhere, Shang rode up to the Fa residence and got off his horse. Continuing on foot, he came across two women under an archway.

"Excuse me. Does Fa Mulan live here?" They openly stared at him as they pointed. "Thank you."

He wasn't sure, but Shang thought he heard a "Whoo! Sign me up for the next war!"

A little further away, Shang saw a man get up. He bowed. "Honorable Fa Zhou, I- Mulan!"

Okay Shang, stay calm and DO NOT STUTTER.

He thrust the helmet in Mulan's direction. "Uh…you forgot your helmet. W-Well, actually, it's your helmet, isn't it? I mean…" Shang now held it in front of Fa Zhou.

Mulan shook her head with a small smile, and took the helmet from him. Before she could open her mouth, there was a crack from a nearby tree. There was a flash of yellow and red before something big and blue landed on top of them.

I'll give you three guesses on what those things were.

As one, Ling, Chien Po, and Yao said the obvious. "FAIL."

Shang sighed, feeling a headache coming. "What are you three doing here?" He thought about asking WTF they were doing in a tree, but decided that some questions were best unanswered.

"Don't you remember Captain?" (Yao)

"I'm not your Captain."

"We promised to always follow you, Captain." (Ling)

"I'm not your Captain."

"You'll always be our captain, Captain." (Chien Po)

Ah, here's that headache. Fa Zhou chuckled. "A captain who befriends his soldiers is a good captain indeed."

"Thank you." *I think….* Shang looked back at the three, only to see Yao and Ling randomly fighting, with Chien Po and Mulan trying (and failing) to stop them. That headache just got worse. Too bad they're not back at camp, they always listened to him there.

3….2….1….

Ah, so it's the kind of headache that doesn't let you think. I hate those. Let's try again.

3….2….1…

"Always their Captain, huh?" Shang mumbled with a smirk. Fa Zhou raised an eyebrow. "Soldiers!"

All four instantly stopped and stood in a straight line. After hearing that commanding voice so often during training, it became an automatic reaction. Wait, four?

"Not you, Mulan."

"But you're my captain too."

Shang's shoulders visibly dropped, while her family sighed.

"FAIL."

Poor Shang. You failed twice in less than five minutes. And the last time wasn't even your fault.

References (because half of these lines were directly quoted from the movie)

Coats, P. (Producer), & Cook, B. (Director). (1998). _Mulan_ [Motion picture]. United States: Walt Disney Studios Motion Picture


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Mulan, and I don't make money from this. Or anything else, for that matter.

Now, I do have more general ideas, but they'll run out eventually. If you have any, go ahead and tell me, and I'll give you credit if/when I use them. It'll probably even be in proper APA format (minus in-text citation) out of habit.

Attempt 3:

So, randomly picking up at the scene that the movie never shows but everyone writes about anyways, dinner had ended. Chien Po was still hungry, but since he and two of the other three boys weren't technically invited, he didn't mention it.

Grandma Fa had made some tea for Shang's headache, and it worked perfectly. "So boys, are you going back to Imperial City tonight?"

"Actually, I'm going to stay at the inn." (Shang)

"Uh, yeah. Us too. Right guys?" (Yao)

"Right!" (Ling, Chien Po)

Shang sighed, but there really was nothing he could do about it. It was getting late, and he didn't want his….men….riding out at night. Sure, they could take care of themselves, but that's not the point. Besides, they wouldn't make it far before it got hard to see.

"You better come back tomorrow. I want to hear ALL about Mulan's time with you!" Grandma Fa said as she stood up. "And by you I mean Shang." She winked as Mulan shook her head.

"Sorry about that, Captain."

"You don't have to call me that."

"Unless you're into role play." There was silence as Shang and Mulan blushed, wishing that dear old Grandma Fa could learn to keep her mouth shut.

Fa Li nearly squeaked. "Grandmother! That's not an appropriate topic at the dinner table!"

"So can I talk about it over tea?"

Fa Zhou 'ahem'ed to get everybody's attention. "I think it's time that the boys should get going."

Savior! Everyone stood up, and the boys bowed. "Thank you for letting us stay," Shang said, hoping that his blush had receded.

Chien Po: "Yes, the food was great."

Mulan: "It was nice to have you. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

Ling waved as he walked away. "Of course! You'll see us all tomorrow, won't she Captain?"

"You say that like I have a choice," Shang muttered, hoping that he wouldn't get another headache. "You three are impossible."

"Three? What about Mulan? Just because she's a girl doesn't make her any less difficult, does it?"

"Um-"

Yao: "Yeah, Ping caused just as much trouble as we did."

"But he- er, she didn't do it on purpose."

"Not the point."

Shang sighed, again, and bowed to the Fa family. "Good night." He walked back to his horse, meeting Kahn along the way. "Hello Kahn."

Kahn gave him a 'look', then stomped on his foot. In Khan's opinion, he deserves much more for nearly killing Mulan.

"Fail!"

Mulan vaguely wondered why Ling, Chien Po, and Yao failed Shang, but ignored it in favor of checking up on him. "Captain! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Say what you want, Shang, but you're not going to be walking on that foot for a while.

"Sorry about that. Kahn, that wasn't very nice."

The horse just looked away, no regret visible on his face.

And with that, the guests rode off to the nearest inn, where Shang demanded that three idiots (you're not supposed to demean your own troops, Captain! They're funny.) be as far away from him as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Mulan or make money….from anything.

I-love-Mulan13: I noticed it wasn't one of my best, but while I was writing it I was laughing at the 'role-play' part, and almost forgot that he was supposed to fail. Including Kahn was the first thing that I thought of. (Which was probably inspired by 'Equine Seal of Approval' by... uh… someone.)

Everyone else: I'm glad people like this. (I write because I can, not because I think I'm any good).

I shall dedicate this chapter to Shadowvixen49, because her review/idea is more interesting than my vague and general ideas, so I'm going to use it instead, using the most awkward sentence.

Fail! 4

Mulan and Shang sat on a bench not far from her house. They managed to have a nice, calm conversation where Shang only stuttered twice. The night was drawing to a close, and Shang knew he would have to leave soon.

He glanced to the side, saw three thumbs up, and turned back to fully face Mulan. "Um…Mulan?"

"Yes Captain?"

Shang faltered, forgetting that she still thought of him as her captain. Well, that's what this plan was all about, right? Showing her that he can be more than a captain? "I, uh, well…." He could see her impatience (after all, this is the first conversation they had where he didn't fall over every other word he said), and decided to do it the quick (and possibly painful) way, hoping that nothing _too_ bad came from it.

He kissed her. It was barely more than a peck, but a kiss none-the-less. Pulling back, he said the first thing he thought of. "Your lips are pink." Which was a stupid thing to say, but it was too late now. He quickly stood up, bowed, said sorry, and walked off with a blush.

Mulan blinked. She was kissed. By her captain. Captain Shang just kissed her, a soldier. She knew something was up with him, but she wasn't expecting this.

A familiar "fail" from the three ever-present men (those voyeurs!) brought Mulan back to the real world. By then, Shang was gone.

So, I'm back in school, have financial aid issues, and the only one who knows where the forms are to finish it is in the hospital. That's why it's taken me so long (that, and I kind of got addicted to Kuroshitsuji [Black Butler, for those English-only people] and Loveless).


End file.
